It was 2

It was approaching the hour of 2pm yesterday when the domestication senses kicked in. I have been pondering over whether I could accomplish a task so many women in this world probably do blind-folded. I had everything thing I needed and the house was at a hush...yes a hush. #1 movie watching, #2 at a friends...lets stop for a second. Any of you parents out there with more than one child know about the "hush" that takes over the home when one child is taken out of the home for a segment of time...ahhh. Okay, #3 singing Disney songs to herself or should I say to the computer, #4 on a chair squeezed together with a friend DSing away.

Now I had to watch a friend first she did it so well. It was weeks ago but I though what the h***.

I seized the moment...kitchen clean...check...tools ready...check...attitude positive but fearful of failure...check.

Flour in...measured with a liquid measure(probably not a good idea)
Sugar in...not much just enough
Salt in...just a tad
Yeast in...right kind I hope (had a friend buy it for me to make sure)

Mix ...easy enough

Add Lecithin...STOP... should have been a red flag right there what the heck is that stuff can't measure because it is sooooo sticky so you have to judge 1.5 T. Really now I can't even measure butter with the lines on it and I have to judge this stuff that looks like molasses. Tried to judge it with water first but it didn't work. Closed one eye and squeezed away. Water next..."it should be sticky" directions said. Add more water if too dry. Now the mixer is jumping up and down on the island. #1 looks over ...Mom you are suppose to lock the thing. Tee hee oh yeah. Lock on...5 min set. Put the ingredients away kitchen looking good...here comes #3

#3:Mom what are you doing?
ME: Making homemade bread in 1 hour. I am not sure how it will turn out.
#3: Oh Mom don't worry you married Dad it will turn out fine
ME:LOL, what do you mean by that?
#3: You know Daddy can cook and all
ME: I'm just married to him not related.
#3: Yeah but he taught you how to do it and all
ME thinking: Point made now exit the room child
#3: Looking at it "looks good hope it tastes good" exiting the room

Wow, what a ego booster that was!

Time up..take out dough

Thud...Hmm not light at airy like I thought it would be. It needs to do that rising thing yeah that right rise away. I knead and knead a few times like I am Chef Boyardee. La la la...shape into footballs and "thud" into the pans.

Look at em and say "rise, rise away my creation", place a gentle blanket over them and set the timer to 25.

Timer off...crap nothing...didn't I say "rise". Time to call the expert...Mrs. P. Crying the blues I let Mrs. P. know my bread didn't rise in 25 min. Okay she says too cool in the house. Put it in the oven at 100 deg. Get the manual out...flipping flipping..oh crap it doesn't go to 100 deg lowest it goes is 170 what am I going to do? It's okay she reassures me, keep the door open and set timer again. Okay will give it a try...are you sure? explaining all that I did prior. Yes friend it will be okay.

Oven 170...door open...timer 25

Ding...open...CRAP

Close door..20 min
Ding...CRAP CRAP CRAP

15min...Are you kidding me...Oven to 350...25

Ding...done?
Now what the directions don't say to take out of the pans or leave in...ugh...flip,flip...thud, thud...huh?

Looks like bread...smells like bread...tastes like...down the pie hole...thud!
(can you see the grimace on my face?)
#1 come taste...how is it? good?...Yeah mom (14 years old boy everything tastes good)
Want another? ...Not right now...DING!
Got the answer, not really what I wanted to hear, but reality sucks.

What to do? DING!
Disguise it...eggs, vanilla, milk, butter, fried and syrup!...French Toast!

Homemade Bread in 1 hour...NOT...try 3.5 hours for 2 loaves that had to be disguised with high saturated fat and high fructose corn syrup. But I can check that off of the list of "things to do" Whew!