Sentimental

resulting from feeling rather than reason or thought.

Kind of feeling that word lately. Not sure what it meant so i looked it up and yeah i am feeling sentimental for no reason just because. Well lets back up a few months my friends.

I am not sure if it was the drugs from the surgery or if it was just me thinking, but I had a vision. Nothing spiritual just a vision, the future , what the heck am I going to do with the rest of my life. I get bored very easily that is why I like to watch reality shows I get into the action and drama especially when I am bored with my life. I am sure I could clean my house a tooth brush, or put those 700 + digital pictures in a scrapbook, or volunteer at school (blah), or even go for a run.....boring. So I thought why not go back to school....screech.

A challenge, YES! It was easy to think about it, do a little investigation and even
start to study math my worst subject. No pressure just lounging at the pool adding and subtracting fractions easy and the cobwebs started to dissipate. I was actually using parts of my brain that have been dormant for years. I could see why Mr. Nachman wanted me to learn the basics of math so I could go to grad school...ha.

So, my brain kept a thinking. Not a good thing because it said why don't you sign up to take the GRE. I began to study and study and pray and study and manage kids and study and eat and study, and yoga and pray and study and read words that I had no idea the meaning of and study and go to the library (what haven't seen that place in years, nice) and studied. I seemed to inspire a few friends in the process as I blew them off to study. Sorry:(

I was really getting into the swing of things. I remembered what it was like to manage time and family and myself. I wasn't bored anymore... amazing.

Test day Sept 30th. Everyone I had some in contact with were sending prayers up, at least that is what I was led to believe. Even the dude I met at the library made a note on his workbook to PRAY FOR CHERYL SEPT 30 AT 1pm. I felt ready, my man took off work to drive me up, please stay I pleaded to him I didn't want to be alone, but no one was allow to stay in the facility, ya know cheaters have to ruin it for everyone else. So, I went in and realized I didn't have any lucky charms on my I wasn't even allow to take my pencil in with me it was like fort Knox. I was so nervous then I sat down at my cubical ...it was #7...AHHHHH. NO way I can't sit here, it must not be. Why dear Lord was I at #7, was I on candid camera or something? this is a cruel joke. I did have time to cry about it so I started the test. I looked like the other mock tests I had practiced on but this was for REAL.

First there was an essay 45min...banged it out...next another essay 30min...banged it out. They did give these goofy looking 70's stereo earmuffs to block out the noise I used them and then the mom in me kicked in EWWW did they sanitize these. Gross I can't wear them, but every ones typing got me baffled so I gritted my teeth and shoved them over my ears figuring I would scrub down later first things first.

Then the option to take a 10 min break. It gave you 10 seconds to decide or move on. PANIC should I stay or should I go? What if I took 11 min and screwed the whole test up, oh my... CLICK I am moving on.

Verbal, my lack of reading tells it all..30 min done. Quantivie Math, no calculators just my brain and me. I studied this the most... 45 min done.

Then a bunch a who ha questions and where I wanted the results sent. Really I have to choose all of that before I get my scores. Not fair I say, Vanderbilt? What are you thinking girl? You went to a state school in PA, how the heck are you going to get into Vanderbilt University's Advanced Nurse Practitioner Program. DREAM ON!

Such a rush of accomplishment, I called the B-man and said I am done where are you? At home he says...I was not happy about that at all I just wanted a big hug from my best friend where was he? I was hungry and stuck somewhere in Nashville in the middle of no where. I just started to walk and cry and if I didn't look like a fool I would have done several sun salutations to release all of those toxic feelings. I walked around and found a subway, went to the bathroom and crying a little bit more got a sandwich and a well deserved diet soda. Should have know it would be diet pepsi..blah but it went down just fine due to the circimstances. He came and we embraced and I cried a little more. He boosted my confidence as he has the whole journey. He really is a good guy and I am so glad he is mine. He loves me no matter how uneducated I am.

So here we are today OCT 15th feeling bored and sentimental (what ever that means I forgot since looking it up 10 min ago) I feel like my bubble has exploded I don't really want to go to school full-time for 2 years. Am I being self fish or just scared and turning away from failure before it hits me hard and Vandy says HA at my test scores and I have to walk away with my tail between my legs. I don't care to be rejected at this point in my life. That is why GOD made teenagers I they are certainly filling that void in my life lately. I feel that I am a good person and don't want to be judged on how smart I am. I have a lot to give to people out there. I have been put here to serve others I know for a fact the that is my calling in life.

What is the next chapter in my life? Certainly not that test again that has been checked off the bucket list for sure. Enjoy the music!