Sentimental

resulting from feeling rather than reason or thought.

Kind of feeling that word lately. Not sure what it meant so i looked it up and yeah i am feeling sentimental for no reason just because. Well lets back up a few months my friends.

I am not sure if it was the drugs from the surgery or if it was just me thinking, but I had a vision. Nothing spiritual just a vision, the future , what the heck am I going to do with the rest of my life. I get bored very easily that is why I like to watch reality shows I get into the action and drama especially when I am bored with my life. I am sure I could clean my house a tooth brush, or put those 700 + digital pictures in a scrapbook, or volunteer at school (blah), or even go for a run.....boring. So I thought why not go back to school....screech.

A challenge, YES! It was easy to think about it, do a little investigation and even
start to study math my worst subject. No pressure just lounging at the pool adding and subtracting fractions easy and the cobwebs started to dissipate. I was actually using parts of my brain that have been dormant for years. I could see why Mr. Nachman wanted me to learn the basics of math so I could go to grad school...ha.

So, my brain kept a thinking. Not a good thing because it said why don't you sign up to take the GRE. I began to study and study and pray and study and manage kids and study and eat and study, and yoga and pray and study and read words that I had no idea the meaning of and study and go to the library (what haven't seen that place in years, nice) and studied. I seemed to inspire a few friends in the process as I blew them off to study. Sorry:(

I was really getting into the swing of things. I remembered what it was like to manage time and family and myself. I wasn't bored anymore... amazing.

Test day Sept 30th. Everyone I had some in contact with were sending prayers up, at least that is what I was led to believe. Even the dude I met at the library made a note on his workbook to PRAY FOR CHERYL SEPT 30 AT 1pm. I felt ready, my man took off work to drive me up, please stay I pleaded to him I didn't want to be alone, but no one was allow to stay in the facility, ya know cheaters have to ruin it for everyone else. So, I went in and realized I didn't have any lucky charms on my I wasn't even allow to take my pencil in with me it was like fort Knox. I was so nervous then I sat down at my cubical ...it was #7...AHHHHH. NO way I can't sit here, it must not be. Why dear Lord was I at #7, was I on candid camera or something? this is a cruel joke. I did have time to cry about it so I started the test. I looked like the other mock tests I had practiced on but this was for REAL.

First there was an essay 45min...banged it out...next another essay 30min...banged it out. They did give these goofy looking 70's stereo earmuffs to block out the noise I used them and then the mom in me kicked in EWWW did they sanitize these. Gross I can't wear them, but every ones typing got me baffled so I gritted my teeth and shoved them over my ears figuring I would scrub down later first things first.

Then the option to take a 10 min break. It gave you 10 seconds to decide or move on. PANIC should I stay or should I go? What if I took 11 min and screwed the whole test up, oh my... CLICK I am moving on.

Verbal, my lack of reading tells it all..30 min done. Quantivie Math, no calculators just my brain and me. I studied this the most... 45 min done.

Then a bunch a who ha questions and where I wanted the results sent. Really I have to choose all of that before I get my scores. Not fair I say, Vanderbilt? What are you thinking girl? You went to a state school in PA, how the heck are you going to get into Vanderbilt University's Advanced Nurse Practitioner Program. DREAM ON!

Such a rush of accomplishment, I called the B-man and said I am done where are you? At home he says...I was not happy about that at all I just wanted a big hug from my best friend where was he? I was hungry and stuck somewhere in Nashville in the middle of no where. I just started to walk and cry and if I didn't look like a fool I would have done several sun salutations to release all of those toxic feelings. I walked around and found a subway, went to the bathroom and crying a little bit more got a sandwich and a well deserved diet soda. Should have know it would be diet pepsi..blah but it went down just fine due to the circimstances. He came and we embraced and I cried a little more. He boosted my confidence as he has the whole journey. He really is a good guy and I am so glad he is mine. He loves me no matter how uneducated I am.

So here we are today OCT 15th feeling bored and sentimental (what ever that means I forgot since looking it up 10 min ago) I feel like my bubble has exploded I don't really want to go to school full-time for 2 years. Am I being self fish or just scared and turning away from failure before it hits me hard and Vandy says HA at my test scores and I have to walk away with my tail between my legs. I don't care to be rejected at this point in my life. That is why GOD made teenagers I they are certainly filling that void in my life lately. I feel that I am a good person and don't want to be judged on how smart I am. I have a lot to give to people out there. I have been put here to serve others I know for a fact the that is my calling in life.

What is the next chapter in my life? Certainly not that test again that has been checked off the bucket list for sure. Enjoy the music!

beach 2010

This free collage made with Smilebox

DID YOU MISS ME? ...If you listen to the song (I usually coordinate it with the posting) it states "ain't no sunshine when she's gone"...i am sure you missed my sunshineyness.
I'm back and feeling like the sun hath fillith the cup after our 3 week vacation... I am loving my tan. I dare not post a picture of me quite yet, due to the lack of control of with the pie hole. And yes I did eat pie, pizza, cheese steaks, hoagies, ice cream, water ice, soft pretzels, Italian food, burgers, hot dogs, tastykakes, did I mention pizza? oh and diet coke. I think I got everything in except for funnel cake but that's ok...right?

Now take a good look at the picture of my birthday cake...my birthday fell on father's day this year and he couldn't resist. You gotta laugh at the B-man he is always up to something. As for the rest of the vacation it was wonderful. As for 80...well it didn't happen the way I wanted it to. I did go to the casinos in Atlantic City and we weren't in there more than 10 min and B-man's aunt hits the slots and wins over 200 buck in the nickel slots. She shared her Midas touch and don't you know mama hits it big to win 83 bucks. Stopped at that,took the money and ran. I now know why we aren't suppose to gamble our hard earned money...adictive... but she insisted...lol

I am not sure what is in store for the rest of the summer, i know it won't be good food that's for sure.

80

80 yes 80... this is the new vision I have. I saw this lady on a talk show last week who won 112 million dollars and I was like holy crap. She told her story and blah blah blah ...what I got out of it was... she envisioned the number 12. She didn't really play the lottery much but only on occasion, and won 112 million.

As you know my number is 8...but thought (stingy me) I should go with 80, because 80 million is a lot more than 8. No I am not going to waste my money on the lottery, but this happened yesterday.

You know the surveys on the some receipts from stores, well I never do them but I do like to give feed back both positive and negative and do it well. I looked at one yesterday and there were tons of 8's. Then I look down and don't you know there was an 80. Well kind of, it was even better a 680. OK love 6's too and my b-day is 671...hmmmm that equals 680 to me. I started to get emotional I was tearing up. If I won I wouldn't have to pay groceries for like a year. That is all I kept thinking about is the relief of just being able to pay for groceries. Times are hard for a lot of us and going from one type of living to another is the pits, especially when you take 7 steps back.

Then I realized it is going to happen on June 8th ... get it 680. I am envisioned the day the email and the phone call saying I won. Got emotional again, in a good way like a weight was lifted, then I looked at another number and holy cow 8984 another set of numbers on the lucky piece of paper. I graduated in 89 ... B-man graduated in 84!



The wheels of fate are in motion....stay posted for the conclusion of ...80.

Repairs

Isn't it a bummer when we have to repair something.
First, it is finding out that it is broken sends the thoughts flying. What? Why? When? How?....
Second, you realize that you can't fix it on your own. Who? Where?....
Third, anticipation! anxiety! normal.
Fourth, the day of the repair, ok its here it will be fixed today things will be good as new. everything will be working just great!
Fifth, make sure it works the way you want it to... crap something else is broken...fix that...whew!..thoughts... trust those who do the repair that they know what they are doing never assume
Sixth, How Much? are you kidding me!

Feeling stronger everyday

Ughness

Is that even a word? Who cares it certainly fits the day. Quite beautiful outside 76 and sunny, am I am here trying to get my act together as usual. B-man offered to go food shopping if I put a list together...lol...why does he think that is so easy to do. We are out of everything no fruit, veggies, meat, pretzels, juice, cereal need do the math buddy.
So it is my fault I let it get this bad or is it the 5 doctors 4 prego tests, 2 cat scans, 4 ultrasounds, and multiple I DUNN NO? responses I have had this past month. Pain in the right lower quadrant that has had me on nasty painkiller for weeks now has finally been resolved by a surgeon...hernia. For real no one else should get that. I haven't been able to drive bc the drugs knock me out if I try to go without them then I am doubled over in pain. No I am not an addict just want to move on I would love to run to the store and get what I need like some chocolate for my beside drawer. Bad habit I got into I stash food and candy so I can have a treat every once in a while...everyone know that if it is in the kitchen it is fair game. #3 thinks that my room is fair game and searches out my stash...ughness.
Well I am suppose to be setting up the surgery asap because it is a 6 WEEK recovery...holy mona lai...The doctor said no lifting anything no emptying the dishwasher, no vacuuming, laundry baskets not, shouldn't be too hard for me. Lazy is my first name. But really I need to stock up on Kid Cuisine and HOt pockets.
We shall see in the mean time here I am in my ugness state of mind
1. ughness
It is a term used when you are angry, annoyed, disappointed or disgusted. "Ugh" is the key part in this word. You can add "ness" to the end of many short descriptive words, it gives them a stronger meaning.

angels

I find it amazing that when you are in tune with the spirit you can be so much more than yourself in this small world of ours. My sisters are scattered around this country and we are different flowers from the same garden. I love them dearly and wish that we all lived together again. But for this reason the Lord has given me sisters and brothers from other gardens. You know who you are and don't go away. For this I say...Thank You for being angels in my life.

Hibernation 09' revisited

WHO DOSEN'T NEED A GOOD KICK IN THE BUTT!
As you listen to the music...please turn it up and use it as a pick me up. The song I picked for today's inspiration is one I use when I need a to feel stronger and work up a sweat. I was also reminiscing about last year's adventure when I was working full-time outside of the home. I found a quote to help with hibernation season.
It goes...Think of rain as cleansing not dreary, and think of winter as hibernation not cold and never ending.
Also turn on the Olympics and soak up the joy of those athletes who spend years reaching their dream for their countries. Go Team USA!
Hold onto that everyone this season will soon be over the sun will return and we will get through it.

It was 2

It was approaching the hour of 2pm yesterday when the domestication senses kicked in. I have been pondering over whether I could accomplish a task so many women in this world probably do blind-folded. I had everything thing I needed and the house was at a hush...yes a hush. #1 movie watching, #2 at a friends...lets stop for a second. Any of you parents out there with more than one child know about the "hush" that takes over the home when one child is taken out of the home for a segment of time...ahhh. Okay, #3 singing Disney songs to herself or should I say to the computer, #4 on a chair squeezed together with a friend DSing away.

Now I had to watch a friend first she did it so well. It was weeks ago but I though what the h***.

I seized the moment...kitchen clean...check...tools ready...check...attitude positive but fearful of failure...check.

Flour in...measured with a liquid measure(probably not a good idea)
Sugar in...not much just enough
Salt in...just a tad
Yeast in...right kind I hope (had a friend buy it for me to make sure)

Mix ...easy enough

Add Lecithin...STOP... should have been a red flag right there what the heck is that stuff can't measure because it is sooooo sticky so you have to judge 1.5 T. Really now I can't even measure butter with the lines on it and I have to judge this stuff that looks like molasses. Tried to judge it with water first but it didn't work. Closed one eye and squeezed away. Water next..."it should be sticky" directions said. Add more water if too dry. Now the mixer is jumping up and down on the island. #1 looks over ...Mom you are suppose to lock the thing. Tee hee oh yeah. Lock on...5 min set. Put the ingredients away kitchen looking good...here comes #3

#3:Mom what are you doing?
ME: Making homemade bread in 1 hour. I am not sure how it will turn out.
#3: Oh Mom don't worry you married Dad it will turn out fine
ME:LOL, what do you mean by that?
#3: You know Daddy can cook and all
ME: I'm just married to him not related.
#3: Yeah but he taught you how to do it and all
ME thinking: Point made now exit the room child
#3: Looking at it "looks good hope it tastes good" exiting the room

Wow, what a ego booster that was!

Time up..take out dough

Thud...Hmm not light at airy like I thought it would be. It needs to do that rising thing yeah that right rise away. I knead and knead a few times like I am Chef Boyardee. La la la...shape into footballs and "thud" into the pans.

Look at em and say "rise, rise away my creation", place a gentle blanket over them and set the timer to 25.

Timer off...crap nothing...didn't I say "rise". Time to call the expert...Mrs. P. Crying the blues I let Mrs. P. know my bread didn't rise in 25 min. Okay she says too cool in the house. Put it in the oven at 100 deg. Get the manual out...flipping flipping..oh crap it doesn't go to 100 deg lowest it goes is 170 what am I going to do? It's okay she reassures me, keep the door open and set timer again. Okay will give it a try...are you sure? explaining all that I did prior. Yes friend it will be okay.

Oven 170...door open...timer 25

Ding...open...CRAP

Close door..20 min
Ding...CRAP CRAP CRAP

15min...Are you kidding me...Oven to 350...25

Ding...done?
Now what the directions don't say to take out of the pans or leave in...ugh...flip,flip...thud, thud...huh?

Looks like bread...smells like bread...tastes like...down the pie hole...thud!
(can you see the grimace on my face?)
#1 come taste...how is it? good?...Yeah mom (14 years old boy everything tastes good)
Want another? ...Not right now...DING!
Got the answer, not really what I wanted to hear, but reality sucks.

What to do? DING!
Disguise it...eggs, vanilla, milk, butter, fried and syrup!...French Toast!

Homemade Bread in 1 hour...NOT...try 3.5 hours for 2 loaves that had to be disguised with high saturated fat and high fructose corn syrup. But I can check that off of the list of "things to do" Whew!